Sunday, January 25, 2009

TOMORROW IS CHINESE NEW YEAR YAHAHAHAH BUT TONIGHT MAI MOTHER IS WATCHING THE CHUN JIE WAN HUI THING. I HOPE SJM GOES ON. OR SOME OTHER HOTTIES DAOHHOHOHOHOHO I'M READY TO GET SOME MONEYZ HOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

HI, I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE TODAY DURR


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I DECIDED TO SCULPT TOTOTOTOTOTOROOORORORO AND FRIENDS TODAYZ. INSTEAD OF DOING MY ENGLISH HOMEWORK HURRDURR

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DRIED UP OLD MODEL MAGIC AND SCULPEYY

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SCULPEYY

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GESSOOO

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PAAAAAINT

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PHOTOS. 8D

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HOHOHO

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WOOSH

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WILL IT GROW

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SKAI

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MOAR

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MORE FRIENDS DAWW

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THE YOTSUBA SUMMER VACATION SET. I REALLY REALLY DO. THAT'S LIKE TOP ON MY LIST FOR FIGURINES. EVEN MORE THAN YOKO OR LILY SABER. BAWWW
GOODMORNING ITS 12:40 PM I WOKE UP AT 10 AM WHERE HAVE THESE THREE HOURS GONEE BAHH

Well, I was talking with Jin and China about America and FOOD and Chia pets and Fanime and LOTS OF COOL STUFF but they had to go to sleep cuz it was kinda 4 am over there T___T

BUT BUT

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT

I NEED TO START ON HOMEWORK

I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY ART BLOCK

I NEED TO REACH OUT TO PEOPLE MORE

I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON

I NEED TO TAKE PHOTOS OF THIS BEAUTIFUL CLOUD FORMATION OUTSIDE.

I NEED TO GET OFF MY BOOTAY CUZ I'VE BEEN SITTING ON IT FOR SO LONG

I NEED TO DEVELOP SOME MORE BACKBONE SO I CAN STAND UP FOR MYSELF (THANKS MICHAEL)



DOHHOHOHOO IT LOOKS LIKE A PYRAMID

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I was in a really bad mood earlier today...something about the lack of accomplishments I've done and the boredom drove me over the edge. I'm also in an art blockk gahhh, I've looked at so many artists to "inspire me" but all it does is reveal how mediocre my work is. My grades in school aren't spectacular either...gahhh and I wish things'll go back to the way they used to be, a few months ago, with that person.

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Acrylic remains

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Finally replacing this BRICK with the Samsung Eternity on the 29th.



DOHHOHO

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I was detangling the charms on my cellphone because I wouldn't use it in a few days, and I wanted to wash the fuzzy ones. As I detangled the strings, I realized a few charms had fallen off of their lanyards, so only the lanyard was remaining and was only taking up room and tangling the bunch. As I cut them away, it reminded me of the relationships I've had in the past year...relationships that weren't cut off cleanly, that weren't fully resolved, and ones that were unsalvageable. It was just so easy to completely cut them off...If my relationships with everyone was symbolized by my cellphone charm mass, then the cellphone charm strings would be my connection/relationship with them, and the actual charms would be the good relationship...Those cellphone charms with no charms and only the strings are those people who I still hold on to (or vice versa) but would better be off apart because the broken relationship only adds to the chaos without any benefit for both sides. I should...sort out my cellphone charms more often...figuratively and literally.

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I also gave them all a bath...they all had so much dirt on them @_@ Dusting off and cleaning up those relationships? Getting rid/resolving all past issues? ahahaha

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Ahhh fencing...I should start this up again, but I'm not sure if I can...maybe next trimester...

I feel calmer now, now that I've let this out. The fresh cold air from the open window is relieving too ahahahah~ If only I could capture it so I could take it forever with me...Voices, images, motion can all be captured, but can feeling ever be?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Things I cannot say to these people...But if I could somehow, I would.


1. I really wish it hadn't ended the way it did...At least, couldn't we have directly resolved it without having to use a middle person? I feel like its still unresolved and bits and pieces keep coming back to haunt me...But with the way things are, it'll never get resolved. I'm not here to say I'm sorry, and I won't say I'm sorry for the things I might have done to you because I stand behind my every action. I wish it could have just ended more cleanly so I could move on.

2. There's a nerve that you seem to tread on quite often...too often for us to really be friends. I've known what kind of person you were since the start, and don't think that just because you've known me for a while that we're friends. I know what you said about her and I can't forgive you for that. No matter how much you've said you've changed, you still haven't. Stop trying so hard to be my friend, I'll only push you farther away. Acquaintances is good enough for me and I don't want it to progress from there.

3. I wish you'd just lay off. I don't like you, I won't ever like you, so stop bothering me. This applies to more than one person. Stop making my life difficult.

4. You. I wonder what you're like now, 7 years after I last saw you. I can't say I still have a crush on you as I did back then, but I'm still curious as to how you turned out.

5. I'm so happy I met you...but lately I've been really confused. The little things are making me upset, little things that I wouldn't be mad about if you were just a friend...so I think feelings extend past friends now...I wish you wouldn't brush me aside like that, it really hurts me, even though you may not suspect it. I don't know what to do with you...Just please stop pushing me away.

6. I don't know you that well yet, and you seem nice, but some things that you have done...I can't forgive you for them. I really hope you'll grow up soon, because you really are hurting some people around you, even if you don't realize it.

7. I barely know you, but from what I've heard, I really dislike you and all you stand for. Keep your hands off, he's mine. And for that matter, keep your hands off every other male on the planet. You sicken me.

8. Just because I'm friends with the "popular" cosplayers, stop trying to be my friend to be theirs. Its not going to work, so just back off. I'm not going to be used like that.

9. I want to say I forgive you for what you did...but what you did really did hurt me. I don't think you realize how much you've hurt me...I hate your girlfriend. I hate her I hate her. I would like to say that I wish you two happiness...but after what she did to me, I cannot. Stop playing with people's hearts, I hate you for that.

10.We were SUCH good friends before...and we're not as much now. I wish it'll go back to how it was...I think we can do it though. I know we'll be friends for life.

11.I wish you'd STOP flirting with me...its really really TRULY impossible man...I wish it wasn't like this, but I've already said that its impossible and my feelings for you have faded. JUST PLEASE STOP. I don't want you to expect me in the summer, thinking that I still have those feelings for you.

12.We're so compatible, I wish that I was a few years older. It's alright though, I'm very happy that I can talk to you so openly. I hope we can remain friends for a very long time.

13. Your eyes are beautiful, more beautiful than anyone's I've seen. I wish she wasn't coming back sometimes so you wouldn't have to leave. I wish I had the courage to talk to you more, I have so many questions that I want answered.

And those are to people that I cannot say this to.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Last Friday and Saturday, went with debate team to JL for a debate tournament. Omg...the school was SO big (4k students compared to my school's 300!) and...really cold feeling? Didn't seem like a inviting environment and felt more like a jail : (. Made me appreciate my school alot more~ Anywayz, left school early, saw a craaaaazy accident on the freeway, and DIDN'T GET LOST. (We ALWAYS get lost...even with mapquest)

To kill time, Jeanine and I wandered around the school and saw these really weird murals...anime murals.. @_@

at JL tournament

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A+ in art.

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Tie tying instructor ahahha


The tournament was delayed an hour bahhh...Our first topic was about health care, and we went against these REALLY GOOD Indian guys...We were neg, and by their OPENING SPEECH, I knew we had already lost T____T Second debate was......was....against an asian girl and white girl, debated about rock music over hip hop. We totally should have won that round but bah stupid parent judges can't judge well. The last round of the night was against these really catty and STUPID girls... At first, before the round started, we were really worried that we would have go against a decent team, because the topic was really biased to the aff side (we were neg) : Everything old is new again. We were afraid they'd go with fashion and design and stuff, but LUCKILY they messed themselves up by prepping a REALLY DUMB CASE with REALLY STUPID POINTS. They defined it as Past mistakes are unnecessarily repeated, and points were:

"WWII could have been prevented because WWI resolved all its problems. WWI was a time for all countries to come together to settle their differences and be united."

-UM NO WWI ENDING BADLY IS WHAT LED WW2 TO START LOLOL If all the blame wasn't put on the Germans and thrown them into debt, the Nazi party wouldn't have risen into power. AND A WORLD WAR IS NOT A PEACEFUL TIME FOR NATIONS TO COME TOGETHER AND BE HAPPY. LOLLOLL

"Our depression now is unnecessarily repeated because we've already had a depression and we got out of it. Likewise, the genocide in Darfur is unnecessarily repeated because we've already had the Holocaust"

-NO. The depression in the 1930s may have been resolved and the problems that led to the 1930s depressions have been prevented, and our recession now is because of different reasons. AND YOU CAN'T JUST LUMP DEPRESSIONS OR RECESSIONS TOGETHER LIKE THAT AND SAY THEY'RE THE SAME. OR GENOCIDES FOR THAT MATTER. Going by their logic, a car crash should NEVER happen again, even if the second crash was from completely different reasons.

"Every person does not learn from their mistakes, and will repeat them even if they have suffered consequences. Ie children stealing ice cream before dinner and smokers"

-IS THAT TO SAY THAT EVERY SMOKER WHO HAS GOTTEN DIAGNOSED WITH LUNG CANCER HAS CONTINUED SMOKING? NO. THEY'D GIVE UP SMOKING IF THEY REALLY DID SUFFER CONSEQUENCES. AT LEAST BE MORE SPECIFIC IN YOUR POINTS, GEEZ.

We totally won that round hahahahaa, but OMG they were such beezees. Everytime Jeanine stood up to talk, the girls would make "DID THAT BITCH REALLY JUST SAY THAT" faces at each other and made angry huffy loud breaths LOL By the first speaker's closing speech, she was going apeshit and was slamming her fist into her palm (made a really loud noise) and the table and was yelling at the judge and waving her arms around uncontrollably, while Jeanine and I were just like :| , but we were both repressing our laughter cuz she LOOKED SO DUMB. She had a HUGE nose too...like squidward. Normally I don't have a beef against other teams, UNLESS they're mean to us, which these girls were.

So we got out of our round, found Ozzie and Jackie, who told us that they saw 5 people getting arrested right outside the school for drug dealing and that 3 of the 4 entrances of the school were sealed off and the last one was being guarded by the police LOL. FUN TIMESS. We stopped at In n Out (its like a tradition now...) and I was suuuuuper thirsty, but stupidly decided to get a strawberry shake...which was pure sugar and made me even thirstier ahahhaha. So I just ate icecubes from other people's drinks ORZ On the way back, we got really lost....turning the 45 minute trip home into an hour and 15 minutes lololololol Got home at 12:30 am, and then I had to wake up at 5 to get to school at 6 am... FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP BAHHH

We all got some coffeez (I got a starbucks energy drink cuz I was super tired) at Starbucks~ But ohgoodness, I think my lactose intolerance has gone waaay up, because after drinking the drink with a LITTLE milk in it, I was dying T___T ughh...so the first round of the day was against Lorien from middle school LOL, about changing the UC system of accepting students for GPA to be weighted amoung schools, so "better" schools wouldn't be compared to a shit school where it'll be easy to get a high GPA. We lost that round, but it was pretty close~

Last round was: When in conflict, man is more important than nature. We defined it about how the general public cares more about human lives during wartime rather than the enviroment. Totally won that round too, because the opposition was basically arguing for our side dahahhaha~ Left after that with Ozzie and Jackie, mom picked me up and we went to Whole Foods. I was STARVING by this time (3pm, didn't eat since 6am, and it was just that energy drink) so I got some mozzerella pasta....WHICH HAD CHEESE IN IT. Guh, it made me die. AGAIN. T____T And then I went home and sleeeeeept dohohohohohoohoa;slkdaj

AND NOW I SHOULD BE DOING MY APUSH HOMEWORK BUT I DON'T WANNA.
LALALA Took photosss and drew last night! Alan came over to pick up my KH2 posters that I didn't hang up anymore~ hoohoho

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11.19.08 C.

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/art and photospam.